The Only One

I've been debating on writing about this or not. Obviously I am.

There's been a lot going on lately and I feel like it'd be good to write it out. As a kid, I loved watching Boy Meets World just like anyone else my age. It was one of the most defining shows of my childhood. Recently my sister gave me all the seasons on DVD, and I blazed through them, reliving every moment with Cory, Topanga and Shawn. Laughing, crying, it was an emotional roller coaster to see the stories again. So much in that show is easily relatable to so many life situations. That's what made it great. I could watch the show, and see these characters going through a lot of the same problems I was going through.

One thing that recently really clicked with me was the 20th episode of the 5th season. Don't know what I'm talking about? It's right after Cory kisses the mountain girl he met at the cabin on the school ski trip, lies to Topanga, and they break up. This episode I'm talking about is when Topanga goes on a date with a guy she met at an art gallery. Now, the scene, and actual quote from this episode hit me.

Shawn comes up to Cory in the hallway at school. He says how Cory's gonna hate him for saying it, but Topanga was on a date with another dude. Cory replies rather nonchalantly, and Shawn admits that he's throwing in the towel with Cory and Topanga ever being a thing. This is what got me. Shawn throws in the towel, Cory says "it's an interesting feeling though."
Shawn says: "What, to know it's over?"

And all Cory says is: "To be the only guy in the world to know it's not" and he walks away.
Cory's best friend thought that he and Topanga weren't going to work. After all they had been through, his best friend threw in the towel just THAT easily.

Now, Hailey and I aren't ending or seeing other people, or even close to that. But it did happen that my best friend threw in the towel. I thought it was something that bros did. Where you vent about getting into a fight with your girl to your bro, you get advice about it, take it or leave it, and move on, growing on and on from every lesson in life. This past year I grew a lot. I learned a lot. I got into arguments with my family about my decision to marry Hailey so young, and a lot of it was just simple getting adjusted to something so drastically different in life, and accepting that their son was growing up. It was hard for all of us, but over time we got our issues resolved. My bro was there through it all, and let me vent about anything. He was great.

Until recently, when I asked him to be my groomsman, he was fine with it, and then he backed out because he felt that Hailey and I are not ready to be married. His decision, fine, I get it. But after all that's happened, it's interesting to know between my close friends that I'm now the only one who knows it's not. That Hailey and I will work. We will be amazing. We're ready. If I wasn't, I would stop and slow down. But I know what's right. And if people think otherwise, then I guess I can't stop them, no matter how disappointing or painful it is.

This post has taken me two weeks to think about writing. Yet, this Sunday at church, something clicked. The pastor was talking about how Moses wasn't able to enter the promised land, and his descendants had to wait forty years before entering. But what's overlooked is that in those 40 years of the elders dying off, the younger children had to live a life without the promised land. The consequences weren't just for the older people. What he said made sense: "consequences affect you, and those around you. Your decisions are what define you, and who people view you as".

When he told me he backed out, I was hurt. It stung, because I looked up to him. Respected him. Two weeks before he backed out of the party, he said he was willing to take a bullet for me. Yet won't stand with me on one of the most important days of my life. What makes it more complicated is his daughter was in the wedding party as well. Since he backed out, it's only fair that his daughter is out as well, since he can't stand up there, why should his daughter, innocent or not? It's collateral damage. And since he disagreed with my marriage, what makes it okay to sit in the audience and quietly disagree while everyone else agrees? So, to protect myself and my wife, I uninvited them from the wedding. It made him mad, and claimed that I was blowing his trust.

Now, I'm not saying I'm God or punishing someone like that story. But the consequences are the same and affect you, and those around you. It's hard. I never wanted anything like that to happen. I wanted them with me. I wanted to celebrate with them. But the true colors were shown, and I had to find a way to ease the awkward scene that would inevitably play out.

I don't want to lose friendships. I pray it all gets resolved in time. But I can't go on being all okay with people thinking they can cut me down, and get away with it. I'm not going to take it.

Fading West, But Not Fading Away

People have come and gone in my life. Relationships ended, friendships over, family done with..and through all of this, five guys that have made some of the most inspirational, true to life music, have never left me, and they don't even know it. Much like millions of other fans around the world, Switchfoot is a band that, to me, has had songs on every album that's resonated with me. It may not have been right when the album came out, and sometimes hit me later on, but songs like "Meant To Live" off of "The Beautiful Letdown" album, or "Shadow Proves The Sunshine" off "Nothing is Sound".

What makes this all the better, is that my fiancé, and soon to be wife, has given me one of the best surprises I could ever get: April 11th, at the Wiltern in Los Angeles, I'm going to see them for a now second time, but this time, I get to meet the band that has helped me get through breakups, questioning life and the mysteries it has, and more. Now, I get to thank them for being my favorite band, and for doing something a good amount of artists now don't do: play for love, heart and soul of music for the world.

Too many people get caught up with how music sounds, and how 'cool' it is. But if you listen to some artists out there, especially what's on the top forty, the lyrics aren't that deep. Most songs out there are cranked out just to make a profit and keep people hip and popular. The thing that Switchfoot does, and I HIGHLY recommend anyone watch their documentary Fading West to really get it, is that they question what's around them, and sing about it. They sing about things they're going through, that normal people are going through. It's life through music, and it's wonderful.

And, that's actually something I think the media in general needs to get back to doing. What happened to the shows like 'Andy Griffith show', where it gave you life lessons to follow? Even 'Boy Meets World'. That show was pivotal in my childhood because it showed how tough growing up can be, and that I wasn't alone with going through those problems. The list can go on though: Even Stevens,  Drake and Josh, etc. Shows like this, and music like Switchfoot need to be recognized more, because it's actual quality. It's something that the world needs a heavy dose of. Media is a powerful tool that can be used for good or bad, and if we preach that we need to make this world better, then why not use that tool to its maximum potential to make an impact? Switchfoot does. Boy Meets World was so good and impactful, they're bringing it back as Girl Meets World for a future generation. We need things like this, and more to impact our generations and let them know they aren't alone with the issues they face.

Road Less Traveled, Path Less Worn..

It's been nearly a year and a half since I've been with Hailey. The woman I'm going to marry in under two months now, and we've been tested and pushed to limits I didn't know I, or we had. Yet we're still standing tall. If you don't know what I'm talking about, here's the backstory in short: four days after we started dating, her grandma, known commonly as 'Nonnie' was diagnosed with uterus cancer. This led into a six-month battle leading up to her passing away two days before Hailey's 19th birthday. What made this hard was that Hailey and Nonnie were close. She was one of the closest people to Nonnie, and it crushed Hailey day after day when all of this was happening.

 Nonnie passed away, only for me to find out that my grandmother in Colorado had lung cancer. I flew back with my family to spend time with her before it became terminal a week after I had visited with her. She passed away shortly after I saw her for the last time.

Then, during all of this..I lost touch with my family. Actually, I had lost touch with them before all of this, but I didn't realize it. You see, before I met Hailey, I dated....a lot. I saw dating as going out with someone to get to know them, and it wasn't a relationship until I asked them to be my girlfriend. Anyway, I lost touch of who I really was in my relationship prior to Hailey. The girl I was with controlled a lot of things, and I bent myself backwards to make sure she was happy, but I was far from it. I changed my goals and dreams, and I fought my parents and sister over things deep down I knew was right, but didn't know how to deal with in the relationship with this girl at the time. I broke up with her, spent some time reflecting, and finally realized what I wanted  in relationships. I said I was going to stay single for a long time, only for that to change when I met Hailey (six weeks after I broke up with the other girl). But, I lost touch of who I was, and was trying to show that I was back to being 'normal' me. It took a lot of struggles for my family to see that, and to see that Hailey was it.

We had a lot of drama with my family, and we all had to learn to meet in the middle, and work things out like we never have done in ways before. And through this, I had friends and 'family' who I trusted, and who I vented to, and people I expected just to be a listening ear, and let me get my frustrations out. Turns out that that caused drama to ensue as well, feelings to be hurt, people to drop out, and plans to change. Yet, I'm still standing. It's hard, because I've lost people I've cared about. I know that I opened up a bit more than I should have, and didn't know better, but I also wrongly expected things from others that just simply didn't happen. I pray that all my friendships and relationships can be fixed, but that comes with time, and I'm deeply grateful for the friends who have stuck by my side through all of this.

Also, factor in a car accident that totaled my first car, and recently, Hailey's dad who could have died if we didn't get him to the hospital in time due to strep throat and pnuemonia, there has been a huge amount of pain and negative things happening. Yet, we're still standing tall.

I'm getting married to Hailey on March 22nd. She is my best friend, and I love her more than anyone in this world. She's smart and intuitive, and she's beautiful. Her smile is contagious, and she has a wonderful laugh that is infectious. Some people think we won't work. Some actually from what I've heard, have bets placed on us on how long we'll last, even if we're married. Some think we're too young. Too immature. Too this, too that. Well, I'm not out to prove anyone wrong. I'm too busy for that. So, in 25 years, I'll let my actions and love speak for itself. Because I believe in love. I believe in forever. I believe in Hailey, and I believe that God's given me the best gift I could ever have received, and that's a partner who will love me for all the goofy stupidness that I am, a partner who will just get up and go with me on the grandest of adventures. I believe that this is a love that is once in my life time, and if you love someone so much like this, you can't ever let it go, because something like the way I feel about Hailey? You can't ever have something like that again. I believe that the last year and a half has been hard, yes. But I believe  that if we can get through everything that we have: death, accidents, medical emergencies, lost friends and family, and more, then we can get through anything together. This year, on March 22nd is going to be a symbolic day not only to show that our marriage is starting in front of our family and friends who are there to support us, but also a day to start fresh and new, and pray that the road ahead is a tad easier than what it's started out to be. But above all of this, I know that we're going through it all together.