I've been debating on writing about this or not. Obviously I am.
There's been a lot going on lately and I feel like it'd be good to write it out. As a kid, I loved watching Boy Meets World just like anyone else my age. It was one of the most defining shows of my childhood. Recently my sister gave me all the seasons on DVD, and I blazed through them, reliving every moment with Cory, Topanga and Shawn. Laughing, crying, it was an emotional roller coaster to see the stories again. So much in that show is easily relatable to so many life situations. That's what made it great. I could watch the show, and see these characters going through a lot of the same problems I was going through.
One thing that recently really clicked with me was the 20th episode of the 5th season. Don't know what I'm talking about? It's right after Cory kisses the mountain girl he met at the cabin on the school ski trip, lies to Topanga, and they break up. This episode I'm talking about is when Topanga goes on a date with a guy she met at an art gallery. Now, the scene, and actual quote from this episode hit me.
Shawn comes up to Cory in the hallway at school. He says how Cory's gonna hate him for saying it, but Topanga was on a date with another dude. Cory replies rather nonchalantly, and Shawn admits that he's throwing in the towel with Cory and Topanga ever being a thing. This is what got me. Shawn throws in the towel, Cory says "it's an interesting feeling though."
Shawn says: "What, to know it's over?"
And all Cory says is: "To be the only guy in the world to know it's not" and he walks away.
Cory's best friend thought that he and Topanga weren't going to work. After all they had been through, his best friend threw in the towel just THAT easily.
Now, Hailey and I aren't ending or seeing other people, or even close to that. But it did happen that my best friend threw in the towel. I thought it was something that bros did. Where you vent about getting into a fight with your girl to your bro, you get advice about it, take it or leave it, and move on, growing on and on from every lesson in life. This past year I grew a lot. I learned a lot. I got into arguments with my family about my decision to marry Hailey so young, and a lot of it was just simple getting adjusted to something so drastically different in life, and accepting that their son was growing up. It was hard for all of us, but over time we got our issues resolved. My bro was there through it all, and let me vent about anything. He was great.
Until recently, when I asked him to be my groomsman, he was fine with it, and then he backed out because he felt that Hailey and I are not ready to be married. His decision, fine, I get it. But after all that's happened, it's interesting to know between my close friends that I'm now the only one who knows it's not. That Hailey and I will work. We will be amazing. We're ready. If I wasn't, I would stop and slow down. But I know what's right. And if people think otherwise, then I guess I can't stop them, no matter how disappointing or painful it is.
This post has taken me two weeks to think about writing. Yet, this Sunday at church, something clicked. The pastor was talking about how Moses wasn't able to enter the promised land, and his descendants had to wait forty years before entering. But what's overlooked is that in those 40 years of the elders dying off, the younger children had to live a life without the promised land. The consequences weren't just for the older people. What he said made sense: "consequences affect you, and those around you. Your decisions are what define you, and who people view you as".
When he told me he backed out, I was hurt. It stung, because I looked up to him. Respected him. Two weeks before he backed out of the party, he said he was willing to take a bullet for me. Yet won't stand with me on one of the most important days of my life. What makes it more complicated is his daughter was in the wedding party as well. Since he backed out, it's only fair that his daughter is out as well, since he can't stand up there, why should his daughter, innocent or not? It's collateral damage. And since he disagreed with my marriage, what makes it okay to sit in the audience and quietly disagree while everyone else agrees? So, to protect myself and my wife, I uninvited them from the wedding. It made him mad, and claimed that I was blowing his trust.
Now, I'm not saying I'm God or punishing someone like that story. But the consequences are the same and affect you, and those around you. It's hard. I never wanted anything like that to happen. I wanted them with me. I wanted to celebrate with them. But the true colors were shown, and I had to find a way to ease the awkward scene that would inevitably play out.
I don't want to lose friendships. I pray it all gets resolved in time. But I can't go on being all okay with people thinking they can cut me down, and get away with it. I'm not going to take it.
There's been a lot going on lately and I feel like it'd be good to write it out. As a kid, I loved watching Boy Meets World just like anyone else my age. It was one of the most defining shows of my childhood. Recently my sister gave me all the seasons on DVD, and I blazed through them, reliving every moment with Cory, Topanga and Shawn. Laughing, crying, it was an emotional roller coaster to see the stories again. So much in that show is easily relatable to so many life situations. That's what made it great. I could watch the show, and see these characters going through a lot of the same problems I was going through.
One thing that recently really clicked with me was the 20th episode of the 5th season. Don't know what I'm talking about? It's right after Cory kisses the mountain girl he met at the cabin on the school ski trip, lies to Topanga, and they break up. This episode I'm talking about is when Topanga goes on a date with a guy she met at an art gallery. Now, the scene, and actual quote from this episode hit me.
Shawn comes up to Cory in the hallway at school. He says how Cory's gonna hate him for saying it, but Topanga was on a date with another dude. Cory replies rather nonchalantly, and Shawn admits that he's throwing in the towel with Cory and Topanga ever being a thing. This is what got me. Shawn throws in the towel, Cory says "it's an interesting feeling though."
Shawn says: "What, to know it's over?"
And all Cory says is: "To be the only guy in the world to know it's not" and he walks away.
Cory's best friend thought that he and Topanga weren't going to work. After all they had been through, his best friend threw in the towel just THAT easily.
Now, Hailey and I aren't ending or seeing other people, or even close to that. But it did happen that my best friend threw in the towel. I thought it was something that bros did. Where you vent about getting into a fight with your girl to your bro, you get advice about it, take it or leave it, and move on, growing on and on from every lesson in life. This past year I grew a lot. I learned a lot. I got into arguments with my family about my decision to marry Hailey so young, and a lot of it was just simple getting adjusted to something so drastically different in life, and accepting that their son was growing up. It was hard for all of us, but over time we got our issues resolved. My bro was there through it all, and let me vent about anything. He was great.
Until recently, when I asked him to be my groomsman, he was fine with it, and then he backed out because he felt that Hailey and I are not ready to be married. His decision, fine, I get it. But after all that's happened, it's interesting to know between my close friends that I'm now the only one who knows it's not. That Hailey and I will work. We will be amazing. We're ready. If I wasn't, I would stop and slow down. But I know what's right. And if people think otherwise, then I guess I can't stop them, no matter how disappointing or painful it is.
This post has taken me two weeks to think about writing. Yet, this Sunday at church, something clicked. The pastor was talking about how Moses wasn't able to enter the promised land, and his descendants had to wait forty years before entering. But what's overlooked is that in those 40 years of the elders dying off, the younger children had to live a life without the promised land. The consequences weren't just for the older people. What he said made sense: "consequences affect you, and those around you. Your decisions are what define you, and who people view you as".
When he told me he backed out, I was hurt. It stung, because I looked up to him. Respected him. Two weeks before he backed out of the party, he said he was willing to take a bullet for me. Yet won't stand with me on one of the most important days of my life. What makes it more complicated is his daughter was in the wedding party as well. Since he backed out, it's only fair that his daughter is out as well, since he can't stand up there, why should his daughter, innocent or not? It's collateral damage. And since he disagreed with my marriage, what makes it okay to sit in the audience and quietly disagree while everyone else agrees? So, to protect myself and my wife, I uninvited them from the wedding. It made him mad, and claimed that I was blowing his trust.
Now, I'm not saying I'm God or punishing someone like that story. But the consequences are the same and affect you, and those around you. It's hard. I never wanted anything like that to happen. I wanted them with me. I wanted to celebrate with them. But the true colors were shown, and I had to find a way to ease the awkward scene that would inevitably play out.
I don't want to lose friendships. I pray it all gets resolved in time. But I can't go on being all okay with people thinking they can cut me down, and get away with it. I'm not going to take it.
That's a tough situation. :/ I can relate on some levels. Adam and I were married young- I was 20, but he was 2 weeks shy of 24 and had been living on his own for 6 years, including 2 years in a foreign country. And we were very blessed with support from our families and close friends. Of course, we're members of a church in which couples are married at a younger age quite frequently. We had prayed and spent so much time together- every day for 5 months before we even started dating- and we felt that we were ready for marriage. And neither of us regret our choice at all (but the first few years were tough, because we were still growing up! :) ).
ReplyDeleteI have seen so much growth and maturity develop in you over the couple of years that I've known you online. I completely support you and Hailey, despite never having met you in person. I can see that you are happy and fulfilled. On the flip side, I can understand where your former friend is coming from, and respect his opinion that you were too young/not ready to marry. I respect his choice to not support your marriage, as hard as that was for you. I think the situation is really crappy, and I feel for you. Perhaps if he had stated his opinion from the start it would have been easier, though. Pretty rude to agree to be in the wedding then back out. And as a close friend, he could have handled things better. I'm glad you chose to disinvite him, because like you said, if he didn't support the marriage he shouldn't attend its ceremony.
Whew, sorry for the novel! Maybe you can tell that marrying young is a subject close to my heart. :) I root for you and Hailey and pray that you will continue to be happy and enjoy many, many years of marriage. Adam and I are not perfect (no one is), but I wish everyone could enjoy a marriage as strong and happy as ours. Next thing you know, you'll blink and you'll have been married for 10 years. It has certainly flown past for us. :) My advice is to avoid this person and not let his negativity affect your happiness. He made the choice to lose a good friend and he will have to feel those consequences.
Please feel free to come to Adam or I at any time if you need a listening ear. I hope you guys have a wonderful day!
-Alisha :)